Beware the Fluff
by Jameta of the Darkness
Summary: Based on a true story! Piccolo against the ultimate evil! Read to find out what, and then review to tell me how stupid it is! I don't care! AN as of 3.30.06: This story is four years old bear in mind I was in middle school at the time. Now I'm a HS senior


_A/N: OH, MY GOD, I ACTUALLY WROTE A "G" STORY!!! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!! *runs around screaming wildly for a while* Yes, it is possible for me, Jameta of the Darkness, to write something other than a parody that won't make you feel 'uncomfortable'. Anyway, enjoy and please review. Note: this is based on a true story._

_~Jameta_

**_Beware the Fluff_**

**A tale of action, drama, horror, and the ultimate evil against one Namek**

            The unyielding wind whips at an experienced green warrior's face as he surveys the surrounding desert from a top a lone, jagged peak. It has been long since the world has needed his rescue; that is, since his former archenemy Goku, his son Gohan, and the Saiyan no-Ouji Vegeta surpassed the normal Golden Warrior level. At least then he could get a little recognition as a stand-in while they rested a little. Now he's just a benchwarmer like the rest of Earth's Special Forces, an overrated spectator. This isn't what he trains for! He is a fighter, battling is his life; he must do something to fill his need for true combat!

            Suddenly, a fluctuation in energy to his left catches his attention, but quickly disperses. Though he tries to focus on what could it could have been, even turns in its direction, he can pick up nothing. Only the emptiness of the wasteland that selfishly uses his time fills his senses. Sighing, he sits down, crossing his legs and resting his chin in an open palm, his slender jade fingers wrapping around his pointed chin. Is he finally losing it? Has the lack of intense, straining, life-or-death duels at last pushed his mind over the edge, and he is merely making himself believe something was there that could be a threat? Retrieving his prized teal GameBoy Color and Zelda: Oracle of Ages, signed by Link, himself (yes, he chuckles to himself, I know how to travel through dimensions, but I'll never tell! Not to those baka Saiyans, anyway!) from under his cloak, and turns the console on, his hand eye coordination skillfully blazing through the many vibrant screens.

            "Ha, you pathetic creatures think you can defeat Piccolo, the Hero of Time!" he thinks out loud, "I will teach you a lesson you will never forget! Attack, Ricky!"

            After a few hours of being completely absorbed in the game, the Namek shuts it down, masterfully concealing it in his cloth belt, and dusts off. When got back to the tower, Dende would gone on babbling about what he saw today, usually couples "being so mortal", though the older warrior knows the guardian is addicted to it because he can't get a girlfriend of his own, and he would pretend to listen. Piccolo, himself, had tried once, but it didn't end well: the woman wouldn't shut-up, and he had had to ditch her in a crowd. With that incident carved into his memory, if he was ever going to have a personal relationship with a female, they would have to come find him. Then he would ask if he could talk to Nail, that untainted moron residing in his body, along with his annoying other half. Finally, after all of the young Namekian would leave him to "more important matters", to what he can only guess, and freedom to go fake meditation and actually destroy a boss in a quiet room. Such is the routine for the unwanted soldier.

            A rumbling in the distance halts his take-off, the same strange energy pulling at his thoughts.

            "What being does that chi belong to?" races his mind, trying to define the ki being emitted. His warrior's curiosity overcoming him, he flies as fast as he can toward the source of the disturbance.

            Sand moves out from him in ripples as he lands deep in the barren region, the basis of the odd power nowhere to be found. Something, though, still lingers on his perception; something dark and malevolent. A shadow creeps over Piccolo's body, and he swiftly turns to face the being releasing the black currents in the area.

            "MUWHAHAHAHA!!!" cries a large, rusty-colored creature.

            "No, it cannot be!" the alien fearfully cries, "A cute, brown bunny!!!"

            "Piccolo!" the fluffy beast's voice booms, "Give me your GameBoy and Zelda pack!"

            "Never!" retorts the Z fighter.

            "Then I will just have to take it!" evilly laughs the rabbit.

            Without warning, a purple aura surrounds the defender, paralyzing him. Helpless to protect his beloved console, an ebony orb envelops it and his GameBoy floats slowly away into the malicious fiend's grasp. Snickering at the victim's moans of severance from his most prize possession, the oversized woodland-creature wiggles its nose and vanishes without a trace.

            "NO~~~~~~~~~OOOO!!!" the Namek howls, falling to his knees and slamming his fists into the ground, "TAKE ME!!! TAKE ME INSTEAD!!! JUST DON'T ERASE MY GAME!!!"

            Tears trickle down his verdurous cheeks; that creature has no soul! To take his dearly loved item from him is like taking an only child from its mother! How could it be so heartless as to steal his game, and what be its motive in doing so? Whatever the hideous beast's plans, the well-trained warrior must not barge in without knowing what he is getting into. Pulling himself together, he quickly dries his face and takes off. Emotions cloud judgment, and if he runs away to tell the guardian of Earth what has happened, he'd automatically tell Goku, and the muscle-headed, light-hearted moron would probably break his delicate system in the process of getting it back. No, he needs someone who has been through such horrible tortures as this. Someone who has had to face such revolting cuteness and the oddities of the universe. Swallowing his pride, he races toward Capsule Corp. and the only individual able to advise him: Vegeta.

            "WHAT?!" yells the Saiyan prince in shock.

            "That is what took place," Piccolo sighs, looking down at his feet as he sits on a grand couch.

            "Never have I heard such a horrid ordeal since Frieza forced me to put my hair up in red ribbon!" exclaims the other, pacing around the blue living room floor, "I can give you counsel, but alas, I cannot go with you to destroy the furry monster."

            "I would rather fight this alone, anyway."

            "You have my blessings."

            "Ummm…why?"

            "I think this rabbit could be the brute who stole my N64 one fateful day. I was only able to catch sight of a shadow, but I could only define a cotton tail. That incident still haunts me today and scares my image to all who see me with my family."

            "What?"

            "The consequence of my nights without Super Smash Bros. is the purple-headed brat."

            "Oh…"

            "It is a cruel circle: I would come with you, but I have to watch him."

            "Uhhh, yeah, well, errr, what should my tactics be?"

            "Never look the dreaded thing in the eyes, or you will be overcome with disgust and fall to your knees in nausea. Attack from afar; its skin is far too soft for our trained hands, and the touch will numb your entire body, and be wary of any tricks it may want to try on you."

            "Thank you, Vegeta. May the B-tap be with you."

            "And also with you, fellow Gamer."

            Standing and walking out to the door, the Z fighter scans the clear sky. This would most likely be his toughest battle yet, and he would give it all, for his only purpose in life rides on the line. He would strain every muscle, break every bone, and regenerate all of his limbs before the scoundrel would be rid of him. His fate would not end like the royal warrior; honestly, him with a kid?! Dende is a pain in the butt, and the last thing he needs is a hybrid of himself moaning and groaning about how the tower smells like Windex from Mr. PoPo's constant cleaning. Besides, this is what he has worked so hard for, and now monkeys are going to spoil it for him! Everything depends on him! The system will be his, and that is that!

            "Hey, Piccolo, want some cookies?" suddenly asks Dr. Briefs' wife from behind him, causing the Namekian to jump four feet into the air in surprise.

            The steady sound of water dropping from the ceiling of the cave is all that eases the heavy silence around the green brave as he ventures deeper and deeper into an underground cavern where he can sense his target the strongest. Velvety fur and carrots litter the damp stone floor, and the pungent aroma of soft blankets overpowering that of the natural gloomy scent of the cave, while a steady pink glow illuminates over the should-be gray aura. It is almost enough to make him sick.

            A shadow bounces behind him; he tenses, ready to attack the little fluff ball that lurks in this deep grotto, but continues to move forward, as to not give his opponent any ideas that he is aware of the creature's presence. Finally, he reaches an open region of the cave, and to his wonder, filled to the high ceiling with every gaming system and entertainment pack imaginable, even the lame GameBoyAdvance Hot Potato. But none of them matter. No, he is searching for the one and only system and game for him: hid GameBoy Color and Oracle of Ages, and if he has to disintegrate every one of these meaningless combinations of plastic to find them, so be it!

            "I see you have found my hideaway," muses an evil, too familiar voice above as the rabbit jumps down to the bare middle of the room, "But you will never leave!"

            "Yeah, right," answers Piccolo, turning around to face the wall, "You are the one who should be taking advice!"

            Before the fiend can react, the Namek fires his Special Beam Canon at a wall, which deliberately ricochets off the surface and directly toward the bunny.

            "NO~~~~~~O!!!" screams the creature as it bursts into a thousand furry pieces, some of them landing on the warrior, who merely brushes them off in repulsion.

            "Well, that was easier than Shadow Hag…" states the remaining contestant, who shrugs and picks up his items from among a burnt soft mass, "Toriyama needs to work on his villains…"

            With his system and game safe, the tired warrior, exhausted from all of this mindless lunacy and waste of time, sits down on the floor, lifts himself into the air just so his cape can flow freely without touching the ground, turns on his GameBoy Color and continues his main quest in life: vanquishing the evil of the realms that he, the mighty Piccolo, Hero of Time, can only conquer!

_A/N: The true story is that  my poor, Burger King Piccolo figure was jumped by my Beanie Baby rabbit, Nibby, without his stand while he was guarding my game boxes, specifically my Zelda: Ages's, leaving the poor, silver Namekian lying face down in my cabinet with a plush toy on top of him. *sniffs* Oh, what a horrible scene it was! *pauses* And I don't really care that his story is super short and dumb- I WROTE A "G" STORY!!! MUWHAHAHAHA!!!!_


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